Most construction sites are marked with signs and structures that help the construction manager communicate what work is happening at the site. There are some parts of the site that signal construction workers about heights, drops, and parts that require use of a hard hat. So, the construction workers need to be prepared with specific equipment and tools in order to do the work safely and properly.

Let’s think of God as the construction manager, you and your spouse as the construction workers, and the construction site as the vision for your marriage.

Your marriage vision is not going to be the same as the vision for others’ marriages. Your marriage is not going to carry the same responsibility as other marriages. Matter of fact, you, as a construction team, are not going to approach your marriage with the same strategies as marriages that are not interested in paying close attention to the vision for your marriage; in order to understand what God, our construction manager, needs of you and your spouse, you have to equip yourself with tools and strategies that help you understand the vision for your marriage.

Let’s begin with understanding who you have married. You and your spouse each bring something to the marriage that carries out the vision for your marriage.

I think God has a way of setting us up to understand the vision for our marriages because He needs us to own the uniqueness of the marriage we are in. In the way a construction manager manages a site, God has keen insight into what signs, symbols, and structures your marriage specifically needs. Yet, in order for you to understand the vision for your marriage, God needs you to understand who you have married, be clear about marriage according to the Bible, and pray with intent about both.

When you understand the vision for your marriage, it’s important to first take time to learn about your spouse’s gifts and differences. This info, paired with God’s knowledge, helps you to learn about what makes your purposes connect and how to hold each other accountable when the other is not adding to the balance of the marriage. The balance you each provide is key to carrying out His vision for your marriage. You cannot expect to have a shared vision for a thing if you don’t know who your vision is tied to and who you are ‘doing’ life with.

Once you begin to gain a fuller understanding of who your spouse is, you will make room, in your heart, for how to understand marriage according to God’s word. In Genesis, we learn of God’s process for creating a help-meet for Adam. He takes a rib from Adam and gives life to Eve. God then qualifies them as a “them” because they became one flesh. This is the first example of marriage in the Bible, yet it provides the details we need to understand what marriage is by God’s design. Marriage is not only a union, but a covenant that is signed with the signature of God. It is a clear cut bridging of two individuals that each play a specific role. Adam was not unclear about his assignment and Eve was not unclear about her’s. Their union was a symbol of an agreement God wants us to make in today’s time. God also wants us to protect this agreement in prayer.

Yes! Prayer! (I’ll say it again for the folks in the back row.) Prayer! You cannot learn who your spouse is and what the Bible defines as a Godly marriage and not cover your union in prayer. This is how you seal your commitment on a daily basis. This is how you answer some tough questions: What am I committed to? What do I need improvement with? What am I doing with the info I have gained about my spouse? Praying with intention, using scripture, keeps your attention on God and God’s attention on your marriage. It is also asking God to reveal to you the parts that need His touch so you can make deposits into your marriage. Prayer keeps the construction site safe!

When you understand the vision for your marriage, you are able to bring your decisions into alignment. It is you choosing to know what God says as it regards the marriage you are in. Having a fuller understanding of your marriage vision will keep you and your spouse close to God, as individuals and as a unit, in a way that honors God. Do the work. Use the right tools. Ask the hard questions. Pray. Study the Word. Then, watch God show up.

Shivonne Davis | Marriage Coach